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smile

by bulldog eyes

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1.
dream/corona 02:45
i dreamt of you a year ago your eyes so blue, our voices soft and low lying in my best friends bed and all you did was stare at me with your legs between mine corona i saw you just two weeks ago i feel uneasy when youre next to me i think im falling out of love we both know thats probably for the best i wanted to kiss you on top of the carport over the worst part of the city grassy parking lots, you let go first when you hug me i wanna smoke a cigarette but maybe ill just go to bed im sorry i guess i dreamt of you a year ago and ever since my hearts been beating slowly if dreams are only made up things then this is what i get for loving someone so fucking foolishly corona
2.
shadow 02:02
i found myself without much to say ill take my shadow for a walk and you can call whenever and we can talk whenever southern californias gray ill think of you at night and you can write whenever and we can fight whenever whenever
3.
jump 03:10
and you walk tri-city sidewalks in a circle little parking lot lover, you hang and you hover and ill sleep next to your bed all through the springtime beneath bright red streetlights in sickly slow oceanside salvation in clear view and the sky over the highway whispers come to me so smooth like the ocean but im dirty like a sewer line inside i meticulously fantasize of suicide and die a thousand times inside my head late at night i feel the wind i feel the death that blows by semi trucks and i dont give a shit about myself i wanna jump but when i think about my family and the people that surround me and i..
4.
smile 01:57
you smile on the inside to smile into and open cry without ever needing to justify i see you smile to yourself whats it mean? ill see you on the flipside you smile into an open cry without ever needing to justify i see you cry to yourself but whats it mean?
5.
i saw you on the sidewalk smoking cigarettes seven months pregnant and i saw city buses and angry people rush around on ninth street i almost saw a city bus devour a child those screeching tires changed my life cassidy that night i sprinted home and swore I was alive ive never felt so scared inside

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released June 4, 2022

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